The Global News Wire Agency, on Suksamango, announced today that Gemmi Aswipe, the official leader of the GOP (Governmental Opposition Party), the 'Havinots', was killed when the limousine carrying him to the last of his scheduled meetings on Thursday last, to be held at the Laborer's Convention Hall, in his hometown of Mezaquin, was destroyed by an explosion. The meeting was supposed to finally cement the Guild of Labourers support for Aswipe, which up until that point in the pre-election race he had been lacking.
Aswipe, readers will recall, had accused the leader of the incumbent government, Jammi Troyka, of gross deception, in that he had concealed the fact that his bony skull crest had failed to turn black at puberty, and that by applying printer's ink on a regular basis, he was, de facto, masquerading as a male, when he/she was in fact female - or somewhere in between. Since only males can hold political office on Suksamango, this could have been expected to be a body blow to Troyka's hopes of re-election. In fairness, Aswipe was responding to a snide remark, made by Troyka a day earlier, in which he accused Aswipe of 'having carnal knowledge of a lazula tree, while under the influence of a strong, alcoholic beverage, brewed locally in his native city'.
There were several eye-witnesses to the 'accident', apparently, as the Ministry of Internal Affairs is now calling it, however, SciFi-Babe was unable to interview them.
Working through the 'official' transcripts of their interrogation by M.I.A. agents, it is clear to us that they have been heavily edited, by personal order of the Chief Minister himself. That would be Jammi Troyka, of course.
We and several other reporters were eventually allowed to view the scene of the 'accident', provided we submitted to being escorted at all times by a contingent of M.I.A. troopers. We were not permitted to take pictures. We did in fact get one, and we've included it in our report so you can judge for yourself whether the M.I.A. assertion that this was indeed an accident is likely to be true. This picture, taken from the roof of our hotel with the aid of a 'night vision' camera - provided by a Havinot supporter - clearly shows the crater, caused by the explosion, in front of the totally destroyed Laborer's Convention Hall. Our rough estimate of its size would be, 26 feet in diameter and 8 feet deep. Nothing of the limousine remained, including the driver. The M.I.A. report maintains that it was the direct result of a malfunction in the limousine's fuel cell. Like we said: judge for yourself.
This tragedy does, of course, mean the up-coming elections will have to be postponed for at least two more years, as clearly stipulated in the Suksamango Electoral Code. Time enough for the Havinots to find another leader, and more than enough time for the existing administration, which Aswipe had demonstrated to be deep in the pocket of 'corporate' Suksamango, to bury the odd skeleton or two.
