First off, a little background information. To the inhabitants of Tekys, the nearby planet of Niros is a dark and foreboding place, home to monks, 
dedicated to a lifetime of religious devotion, self-denial and servitude. Isolated from the cares and temptations of 'ordinary life' by more than four million kilometres, Niros is the final destination for all those who wish follow the teachings of Charl, the hermit prophet who died more than three thousand years ago.
Charl first caught the public eye when he suddenly appeared, naked, in the marketplace at Mortakir, Tekys' principle city at that time. A 'helpful' citizen rushed towards the old man, clutching a blanket with which to cover his wrinkled body, and was rewarded for this charitable act by being beaten with branch from a 'sekka' tree (similar to the European Sycamore), which the hermit had snatched from a nearby wood pile. The sekka tree has become a potent religious symbol since that fateful day, and its leaves are featured on the facades of all of Tekys' public buildings, as well as its coins.
Charl spoke of a place where people might discover the 'truth' and come face to face with their god, Obin. He pointed to the sky, where Niros could be seen. So great was his fervor that the people readily agreed to devote their energies to solving the problem of how to actually get there. For the next thousand years, every penny of public money was used to develop a transportation system capable of bridging the vast distance to the 'Residence of Obin', as Niros came to be called. When the first interplanetary flight achieved that goal, and the monks set foot on the desolate planet, they immediately commandeered the technology, and pronounced it to be a sin for ordinary people to use it - or even to approach or attempt to enter the confines of the launch-site on Tekys. When the occasional shuttle took off, they were instructed to avert their eyes, lest Obin strike them dead for their disrespect.
Okay. So now you know as much as you need to for the report to make sense, and I can get on with it....
I arrived on Tekys a few days after I'd left Atogenes III, where I was looking into the claims by a travel company that they were able to offer their clients the 'Time Travel Holiday of a lifetime'. I'll be filing that report in the next few weeks, right after I get the money from Alethea to pay the fine, so my bodyguard can get out of jail. He objected to a customs official rummaging through his delicate equipment, and punched him on the nose. They have especially large noses, the people of Atogenes III, so there was blood everywhere, and it took seventeen stitches to repair the customs man's proboscis.
Back to the story. My initial impression of Tekys was, 'It'll look great when they finish it', followed by, 'Jeez, they have finished it!'; and then, right as the sun dipped below the horizon, 'Who turned out the lights?'
This is one primitive world, with no redeeming features whatsoever - unless you like washing in cold water, doing without hair conditioner, or even a mirror - and eating nothing but 'abilani' (a sort of maize porridge) and 'rishabo' (tastes a bit like chicken, but it lives underground). The entire population is living in the most awful poverty. Life expectancy is only four decades. There's no medicine, here, and no doctors, so travel insurance is pretty pointless.
I spent all night shivering next to a small fire. I hate to confess it, but I realize now that I don't always wear enough clothes. I also have to admit that, much as I totally adore it, leather doesn't keep you warm at all, so I woke really early next day with goosebumps where a girl doesn't need goosebumps.
My contact was a young monk who'd turned informant because his younger brother had died, aged fifteen, and the other monks hadn't lifted a hand to help. I can't reveal his name, for obvious reasons, so I'll just call him, 'Big Mouth'. He brought a monk's habit with him for me to wear, so the boots had to go and be replaced by rope sandals. My calf muscles were aching by the time we got to the launch-site - because I always wear high heels. I hobbled across to the shuttle, giving a fair impression of a crippled old monk, and clambered aboard. The inside of the shuttle was sparse and utilitarian - in keeping with the Order's ideals, I guess. Still, it only takes a day to reach Niros, so the lack of a bed to sleep in wasn't going to be a problem.
As we reached Niros, Tekys was dipping
below the horizon, and the lights were going out again. The monks I'd traveled with, including 'Big Mouth', grabbed torches made of rag dipped in oil, wrapped around an ornately carved piece of wood, and set off across what looked like the kind of wasteland you get after a nuclear war, or something. We followed a deep rutted path - they've been doing this for a thousand years or more, remember - towards a distant building. Its facade was carved straight out of the volcanic rock face. Once inside the entrance, lit by more of the rag torches, I could see the entire monastery had been excavated from the rock. 'Big Mouth' whispered that the tunnels, with their countless side rooms and antechambers, went on for a least a kilometer inside the mountain. The main prayer room was on a higher level, towards the summit of the mountain, and was reached by two hundred and eighty steps - supposedly the number of years (Tekys years, that is) Charl lived in the wilderness, before beginning his teaching.
After a meal served in the communal hall - more 'abilani', but no 'rishabo', thank goodness - the monk's started to leave, one by one, through the same door. Curious, I asked 'Big Mouth' where they were going. He stood without replying and beckoned me to follow him. We walked in silence for several minutes before arriving at a huge, central cavern. It must have been the lava vent when the volcano was active, I supposed, because when I looked down I couldn't see the bottom. We walked around a narrow ledge, lit by lamps, and bent low to enter a small magma chamber. It was as dark as the inside of a 'ximi' dragon's bowels. 'Big Mouth' led me to an outcrop of rock and tugged at my sleeve, so I'd crouch down. "Watch," he whispered.
After what seemed like hours, a tiny sphere of greenish light appeared, surrounded by hazy mist. It grew over the next few seconds until it was, maybe, a couple of metres in diameter. It moved slowly towards one of the monks, standing around the circumference of the small chamber, and engulfed him. I was shocked to see he, along with all the others standing there, was completed naked. Well, not so much shocked, exactly. I mean, it's not like I've never seen one before. In fact... Oh gosh... Where was I? Anyway, it lifted him and carried him towards the center of the chamber, where it stopped and began to rotate until the monk was horizontal.
"What's happening?" I murmured.
"Just watch," 'Big Mouth' answered, softly.
Suddenly, the monk started to make thrusting movements with his pelvis.
"Is he doing what I think he's doing?" I whispered.
"What do you think he's doing?" 'Big Mouth' asked.
"He's screwing it," I replied.
"What's 'screwing'?" 'Big Mouth' demanded.
I explained.
"Yes", he said.
Well, to cut a long story short, we had to wait there, crouching down, until all of the thirty monks in the chamber had had carnal knowledge of the mist. 'Big Mouth' was about to lead me back to the communal hall, when I stopped him and told him my researches wouldn't be complete unless I tried this experience for myself. He didn't look to happy about it, but agreed to wait outside so I wouldn't get lost afterwards.
I took off my habit and waited with baited breath, until the mist enveloped me. It felt like thousands of hands, gently exploring my body, probing me, savoring me.... I didn't even feel it carry me to the center of the chamber and rotate me until I was horizontal. I wasn't sure how it was going to work for me - let's face it, men's bits are different to women's, or it wouldn't work, would it? - but it clearly sensed I wasn't your average monk. Suddenly, I felt it start. I was alternately moaning and screaming, but could hear nothing. I was thrashing around, but my body wasn't moving. Incredible sensations washed over me like tumbling surf. The last one hit me, almost overloading my senses, then I was standing at the edge of the chamber, once more. Trembling, I pulled on the habit and followed 'Big Mouth' back to the communal chamber, rerunning in my mind what had just happened, trying not to lose it. Much more of this and I'd become a green mist junkie. I'd have to move in here so I could get my regular fix!
The following morning, I was on the return shuttle to Tekys, wondering whether a simple humanoid male was ever going to be enough for me in the future. What that mist - whatever it is - had done to me was a thousand times better than the time I took a wrong left turn and wound up in a men's sauna with sixteen members of a tag wrestling team - but that's another story... maybe? It almost came close to the time Trisha used an Eroscillator on me.
So, the truth's out. The Monks of the Order of Obin are not as religious and self-denying as they would have you believe. There's no danger anyone on Tekys will ever read this - they can't read for one thing, and they don't listen to our broadcasts because they don't have radios. But I've sent a message to the Abbott of the Order of Obin. If they don't do something to improve the lot of the average citizen of Tekys, and real soon, I'll blab.
