Both of the major political parties on Suksamango were accused today, by the planet's Global News Wire Agency, of plumbing new depths of 'negativity' in their pre-election publicity campaigns. During a prime time broadcast last night, Jammi Troyka, leader of the 'Havi' party, came right out and accused Gemmi Aswipe (pictured left), leader of the 'Havinot' party, of having carnal knowledge of a lazula tree, while under the influence of a strong, alcoholic beverage, brewed locally in his native city, Mezaquin. Aswipe refuted the allegation, and immediately launched a counteroffensive in which he accused Troyka of gross deception. When pressed, Aswipe 'reluctantly' told a stunned press gallery that Troyka suffered from a rare genetic disorder, which had caused the bony crest on the top of his skull to remain 'female' pink, after puberty, instead of attaining the normal 'male' black color. He further stated that Troyka concealed this aberration only by frequent applications of printer's ink.
It is difficult to convey the gravity of this insult. The color of the bony crest is the only visible difference between the sexes on Suksamango, where sexual differentiation doesn't take place until the immature hatchlings reach six years of age. Aswipe had, in fact, accused Troyka of masquerading as a male, when he/she was in fact female - or somewhere in between. Only males may hold political office on Suksamango.
Troyka stated he was ready to submit to a medical examination of his crest to prove Aswipe was guilty of slander.
This is possibly the most important election in Suksamango's history. The Havi party, heavily bankrolled by corporate Suksamango, have presided over fifty years of ecological decay, while the Havinots are standing on a platform of 'Reclaiming the high ground for the ordinary Suksamango in the nests'.
The result of Troyka's examination will be published sometime during the coming week, and SciFi-Babe will bring it to you.
UPDATE: 12/03/08
The Global News Wire Agency, on Suksamango, announced today that Gemmi Aswipe, the official leader of the GOP (Governmental Opposition Party), the 'Havinots', was killed when the limousine carrying him to the last of his scheduled meetings on Thursday last, to be held at the Laborer's Convention Hall, in his hometown of Mezaquin, was destroyed by an explosion. The meeting was supposed to finally cement the Guild of Labourers support for Aswipe, which up until that point in the pre-election race he had been lacking.
This tragedy does, of course, mean the up-coming elections will have to be postponed for at least two more years, as clearly stipulated in the Suksamango Electoral Code. Time enough for the Havinots to find another leader, and more than enough time for the existing administration, which Aswipe had demonstrated to be deep in the pocket of 'corporate' Suksamango, to bury the odd skeleton or two. [ Click to read the News Report. ]
